Jonathan’s Tips on Merging Design Styles With Your Significant Other

1. Discuss Must-Haves vs. Nice-to-Haves

When you’re first combining households, you likely can’t (and probably shouldn’t!) bring everything you both have. To avoid an overwhelming amount of boxes on move-in day, discuss each other’s wants vs needs so you start off strong and on the same page. “Is there a family heirloom, or a collectable, or a gift that you gave each other that is an absolute must and you want to make sure it’s showcased? Put it on the must-have list,” Jonathan says. “The other stuff that’s like, ‘Well, we have it but we can probably do without it.’ Move it over on the other list. That way, you already know here’s where we draw the line in the sand and here’s the stuff that’s maybe not as important.”

2. Whoever Uses a Space More Often Has the Final Say

“In our house, Zooey is the cook. She is amazing, and runs that kitchen—so she should have the final say in what we do in that space because it really is her domain,” he says. Likewise, if you have an office, you could take the lead in what you want that room to look like. It’s not that the other person can’t have an opinion, but if one half functions in that space more often, they should get to lead the charge on the foundation of that area.

3. In Rooms You Share, Build Your Style on Common Ground

“But what about the bedroom?” Jonathan says. “You’re both sharing this bedroom—so who gets the final say?” In shared zones, Jonathan recommends finding some common ground. Start with a neutral or agreed-upon color scheme, and let that be the jumping off point for layering in accent pieces like pillows or window coverings within that palette. Try your best to let the process feel collaborative and get comfortable with compromise. You never know—the bedding they choose might end up being your favorite element in the room!

4. Be Open-Minded About Tastes and Styles

Conversation and working together is at the heart of creating a home you both love. Be open to the idea of changing tastes and needs and embrace getting inspired together. “If you look at magazines and you see something that you really both like, and maybe it wasn’t either of your preference initially, understand that tastes can change,” Jonathan says. “Don’t feel so locked in on something that you have to have, because in five years you might have a different opinion anyway.”

5. Communicate Disagreements Gently

“If there’s something you know that they want, but you really, really don’t want it, have an opportunity to talk about those things together,” Jonathan says. It’s worth it to communicate calmly and gently if you disagree with a certain design choice or style—nobody wants to be criticized or mocked for their taste! Approach the conversation with love, and try to explain why you want to go in a different direction.

6. Get Creative With Pieces You Might Not Love

Jonathan distinctly recalls a chair that his father, Jim, loved in their house growing up—but Jonathan’s mother, Joanne, did not. Instead of getting rid of it, they refreshed it instead. They had a custom slipcover made for the chair that better fit the style of the room, so Jim got to keep his favorite seat and Joanne was able to customize it with a fabric she loved.

7. Get on the Same Page About Budget

This can be the hard part for a lot of couples and roommates—someone feels comfortable spending more, while the other wants to keep the budget more modest. Jonathan says he sees it frequently with a lot of his clients. But it’s important to get on the same page before you make any big decisions! Try meeting in the middle, and be honest with how much money you can really spend. There are savvy ways to save where you don’t have to sacrifice style to get the look you’re going for.

8. Everyone Needs a Space That’s Their Own

Everyone deserves a little zone where they can unwind, relax, and call their own. Depending on how much space you have at home, this might look like a craft room, your home office, the garden in the backyard, or a small reading nook in the living room. It doesn’t have to be a full room or a grand study (though it can be if you have the space for it!). The most important thing is that the area feels like a comfortable place for you to recharge.

9. The Most Important Thing Is Your Relationship with One Another

“Biggest thing is, you love your partner; you love your friend; your roommate; whoever you live with—you want to make sure you have a great relationship living together. So just take the time upfront to think through the whole process, and it’ll be better for you down the road,” Jonathan says. At the end of the day, the place you live is home for you both, so it should feel like it for everyone!